Thursday, September 21, 2023 – A psychologist has claimed that the secret to her happy marriage is being able to date other people.
Dr Lori Beth Bisbey had previously been in a monogamous marriage until she discovered that the ‘’key” to a successful relationship for her was dating others.
The 60-year-old US native who now lives in Scotland, explained how she changed her relationship style when she realized that she was bisexual and didn’t want to ‘give up a large part of [her] sexuality’ by being committed to just one person.
Lori Beth and her husband both identify as polyamorous – meaning that a person can engage in more than one committed romantic relationship at the same time.
She has now opened up about how she navigates the lifestyle with her husband, 66, who she has been with for 14 and a half years, 9 of those years as husband and wife.
She said: ‘We both were non-monogamous when we got together and agreed that was how our relationship would be run.
‘We both love it as we get more needs met, have wider support and more places of joy.
‘We were together for five years before we were married and have had other relationships throughout. I have two other long-term relationships.’
‘We meet people in the course of daily life. Neither of us spends time on dating apps. We have gone to events that are sex- and relationship-positive and met people there.
‘If I am at a sex-positive event, people talk freely about their relationship status (and I do as well). Otherwise, it is really not different than how you approach someone if you are interested in them.
‘The only real challenge is finding time for multiple relationships – it’s been especially hard to get together with partners after Covid.
‘We have relationships that are transatlantic and travel has become more expensive and more complicated,’ she explained.
She has now doled out tips for those considering non-monogamy. Which are;
1. Work on yourself: Make sure you are confident. Deal with triggers. Practice emotional skills.
2. Do not try to open up if your relationship is rocky. Opening up will not save a poor relationship, it will make it worse.
3. Be clear about what you want your non-monogamy to look like – is it sexual only? Are you only getting involved together? Are you looking for someone to live with you?
4. Negotiate clear boundaries and rules together. Be prepared to revisit these regularly. Keep talking.
5. Don’t choose a threesome for your first experience. It is too easy for someone to feel left out during a threesome. Foursomes are easier and make it more likely everyone will feel included.
The only rule that Lori Beth and her husband have when it comes to dating others is that they can ‘veto’ the relationship, which she admits can be contentious.
‘Though it is controversial, we do have a veto rule because of the structure we agreed in our relationship.
‘Otherwise, we practice safe sex and see consent as the key to establishing safety,’ she said.