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By Silas Nyachwani.

True story.

Not too long ago, on one of those useless, hot Sunday afternoons, where you have nothing to do after recovering from the previous night’s hangover, I accompanied a friend who is into young college girls to check on his latest catch in Rongai, way out of town.

We arrived in Rongai at around 4 p.m. and we were ushered into a properly and tastefully furnished one-bedroom house by the young woman. 

The carpet was the cushy, soft, short bristles type that costs fortune anywhere in Nairobi, including Eastleigh. The sofa set was the firm, authoritative type you expect in the house of mid-30s, well-to-do, middle-management, divorced female banker. 

The TV screen was an LG, 55-inch that even your favourite satellite town nightclub can’t afford. The fridge, though single door, was taller than me. I had a fair glimpse of her bed and it was one of those perfectly erect beds, with a perforated, foamy headboard, with a mattress that could massage all your problems away. 

Well spread and you could imagine doing a lot of good things on it. Her gas cooker was one of those fine Italian jobs of four burners with superb oven beneath. And nothing like a steel utensils rack to complete the look.

She was a tall, dark lady with a good bust, average a$$ and without makeup, she would pass for a nice kienyeji girl, like those waitresses in those anonymous mid-town eateries. Those you don’t immediately have an urge to take a number, if you are into waitresses. But I would understand why any man would go after her. She had that long-term, wifable charm. 

She served us one of those excellent fruit juices, whose brand I forget, but certainly not Delmonte or Peek n Peel. We had the usual boring chatter, before my friend sent me to pick a charger or something from the car. And when I got out he texted me “jipe shughuli kiasi mzae..”

 I am the slowest mofo anywhere in the world and it dawned on me, all the time I was regaling them with s3xy talk such as kerosene was invented in Azerbajain, all they wanted is to get a piece of each other. And thus I spent my afternoon enjoying Rongai attractions such as donkeys ferrying water and nothing else.

An hour or so later, we hit some local club there, and the two didn’t exactly convince me that they were from reading the bible, or my friend had tried to mentor her into getting a job in the media.

Of course, I asked my friend if she is from a rich family or how does she afford such a lifestyle. I mean I am within a touching distance of 50 but I can’t afford such a house.

“She has a very rich boyfriend abroad.”

And that broke my heart.

That a man paid for her lifestyle, and she was playing games, and she is not even 23, fouled my mood badly.

Yet, she is not the only kept woman in Nairobi. Many young women, under 25, have boyfriends abroad who are affording them a lifestyle that most of us can only dream off. And such girls when clever have more than five men competing to settle their bills and they can’t believe how foolish some wanaume can be. 

Their tool of trade is a good camera, some showing of skin, or whatever their mom bequethed them in the posterior, pouting lips like this, like that, some irrelevant quote about life and some simp in Texas or North Carolina, on a nightshift is “waving” her some $100. The saddest part is that most of the diasporan simps sending money, don’t even get a thank you and they are fed blue ticks like no man’s business. And man, do these guys beg, ama what!

I have to admit that it is their money and they have every right to use it how they want. I have nothing against the young, beautiful girls making a living off their WhatsApp or Instagram status. I need to mention I am old and out of the game, and if I sound like a bitter, grumpy old uncle, it is because I am. But I always feel bad when a fellow man is being taken advantage of. Sijui mbona uniaffect. 

Not too long ago, I did a post saying that sometimes men, out of our generosity, we give women lots of money, some guys even educate their girlfriend’s siblings, foot a humongous hospital bill when her parents fall. Then one day, the chick gets bored and dumps you. Not because you are bad man or anything. She is honestly bored and wants a change. 

A lady here, who is a leading voice among young women shared the post and said, men who give women money are mostly weak, have bad breath, controlling, sloppy in bed, and worse. To her, most men who give money to women are using money to cover their weaknesses. I would have been offended by her post, had I not learnt as an adult that nothing disgusts a woman, even the most broke one, than when you give her money.

And like the lady said, most women know that money is the only way men can cover their shortcomings. Women have makeup, high heels, skimpy dressing, and men need money, good cars, and big talk. Few women can say NO to money or anything that can guarantee that babygurl life. However, money, can’t make her stay, can’t make her to love you, can’t make her to be exclusive to you. The bad things the lady said about men who give women money sadly define the mindset many an urban woman in Kenya has.

I want the men to cut off their financial aid because I know in their hearts, they do it with good intentions. And the receiving women in Kenya receive it like it is a right, an entitlement and couldn’t care less if you sent or not. 

Because, enough men are sending and many such women have a float that most MPESA outlets will envy. Because it is like an auction. Mike in New Jersey will wave $35 dollars. Eric in Dallas will wire $50. James in the mid-West will drop $150. William in the West Coast will park his truck and send $250. 

Of all these, the trucking guy who sends the most is the least demanding and she likes it that way, and Mike in Jersey with $35 will be the one who annoys her the most.

The most affected men are those who left Kenya when they were young, especially before college and went to States on a Green Card. That means, they left Kenya when they were naive as our anc*stors entertaining whyt men, arrived in states and became rich from sheer hard work. To their disadvantage, they have no working knowledge of how Kenya works. Their dating choices abroad may be limited and their safest bet is paying rent in Roysambu, Nyayo Embakasi, Nyanchwa, Kisii and any such address. They have never taken time to know the chicanery of a young woman who has discovered that you don’t have to work a day in your life to earn money, when a pair of swimming pool selfies can get some guy abroad to send cash.

But these girls break the hearts of these men so frequently, it is an epidemic. Firstly, they take these guys in circles and for granted. Secondly, the men soon discover that no amount of money can buy these girls’ respect. Thirdly, when it is convenient, the girls drop the men, terming them nagging and annoying.

The sad thing for men is that where we spend money, we want to have some sort of control. And you can’t control a young woman who is aware that she is beautiful and likes to party. Diaspora money or not, she has access to so many men, spending on her, your dollars mean nothing. Kenya is a country of a dozen thousands wash-wash pimps, piracy thugs, drug money, children of politicians, thieves of other country’s resources, who are always taking these girls out.

 So, you can’t be sweating it out in Arizona, sending money to a video vixen who is a party-time girlfriend of a youthful deputy governor of some forgettable county and you think you can control her.

There are only three circumstances you should send money to a woman in Kenya.

1. She is your wife. And you have children together. Upkeep is absolutely godly and necessary.

2. Your mother, daughter, direct female relation you want to uplift.

3. A fiance you are engaged to, and here the only test is if she can put you on her social media platforms as the exclusive one. Good luck, just know, for some women, the more they show the world they are taken, the more some men circle on her like lazy vultures.

The circumstances you must avoid include.

1. Those sharing nudity in their social media statuses. Unless you are conscious that you are buying, run away son. And thus, cut your entitlement to their time bro.

2. Those girls living beyond their means and want you to foot the bill. And thus stop paying rent in expensive addresses, or buying the latest phone to prove your loyalty. She doesn’t care man. I know this counterintuitive but all men learn down the line women don’t like men who give them money. They like the money, never the men. 

Lastly, stop with the video calls. Your girls in Kenya don’t like them at all. The time differences, clashing schedules with other donors, do so to drive them nuts and they tell us.

I don’t mean that y’all should be so mean you can’t even buy good female friends lunch or a gift. Please do. Treat girls well. But don’t ever let them take advantage of you.

Older, maturer Kenyans in the States know how to deal with women in Kenya with their selective generosity. Learn from them.

Here is to great week ahead and I hope the guys abroad can stop misleading young women with the easy life. 

The Kenyan DAILY POST.

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