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Dating tips for those in their 40’s
1. Take time to redefine yourself. Do not jump from what you’re coming out of right into another thing. There is a new you that is emerging after all these changes in relationships and age, and you need to familiarise with this new you. Only then can you decide what you want for your next relationship.
2. You might be busy with work but do not date in a tunnel. Texting and video calling are important but they only give you one-dimensional view of your date. Seeing them around friends and family will bring out other aspects to their personality you couldn’t see when it was just the two of you.
3. Always interact as friends for a good while, at least a month, before moving things forward. People have mastered a way of presenting themselves to potential mates, something like a second skin to protect their less presentable sides. You will need quite some interactions with them to peer behind this mask.
4. Be confident in your powers. Your body and your sexual appeal might not be as hot as those in their 20’s and 30’s, but there are other things you beat them hands down and these are the things you must capitalise on in this market. First you are more established career-wise and you know where you’re going. You probably also have a property or two, which means you can provide a better life for your family.
This is not a materialistic point as it might seem, but a practical one. It means you can take your kids to better schools and it’s also proof that you’re organised financially. Nobody among the younger set wants to marry an older, yet broke person. When it comes to life issues most people are practical to boot. They will always add up the givens and see of you’re a good deal overall.
Second, you’re mature and sure-footed. You’ve seen life in the work world for over a decade now and you’re not easily raffled by things. You are a steady hand that can be relied on in times of turmoil.
5. Learn the new trends but don’t change who you are. Learn chatting and texting and familiarise with the modern apps. You add these modern techniques so you can flow with the younger set, but you still remain secure in your identify and your age.
6. Yes you can marry younger people if they’re mature enough to reason on your level and are willing to build with you. Only beware of the materialistic ones who are only after your fortune, yet cheating on you with their agemates. Any younger person you date must demonstrate a depth of knowledge and stability of character that shows they have been working on themselves and not just fretting around looking for shortcuts.
7. Be honest about your marital situation, the relationship with your kids if any, and show the role you want your mate to play in your life. More so emphasise how ready you are to make time for your relationship in the midst of your busy schedule with work and children. This is always a worry when dating people in midlife.
8. Show patience and self-control when it comes to matters sex. Do not demand or hurry to sleep with them. It can ruin the connection. Politely state that you would rather get intimate inside marriage if the other person asks. But be sure to find out about their health. Do they have any conditions like diabetes or blood pressure? Do they function normally in bed? Conversations are usually enough to establish these matters earlier in the relationship but once you decide to be in a relationship a check-up is always good.
9. Avoid detailed talk about your ex, casting them in a bad light or playing the victim. It’s an indictment against you because you had chosen them after all. Better to take the blame for your own ignorance and complacency and let the whole matter fall off.
10. Children are deal-breakers at this age so find out early on if your date is looking to have (more) children and if you agree on that point.
The Kenyan DAILY POST.